by JeffI broke Ethan Embry's rib today. He seems to think so anyway. Says he heard it crack. I say it was like that when I found it.

It's an odd coincidence actually. Not the rib thing, the Ethan Embry thing. People have been telling me for the past ten years that I look just like him. At what I assume was the height of our similarity I was being told a couple times a week, often by total strangers. So imagine my surprise when one of my trainers introduces me to him a few days after I get back into the gym.

Jeremy, my standup trainer, was giving Ethan a private lesson when I showed up and since we're similar size (shocking) he asked if I would spar with Ethan. Nothing rough, just light sparring. He's been working Ethan's boxing pretty regularly and I've taken the past five months off for my shoulder rehabilitation, so for a while Ethan was kind of working me over. He would lead in with a jab and work some outside shots then jab his way out. At a jabs reach of distance he had the advantage.

On Jeremy's recommendation I closed in. He'd been working Ethan's offense so that was his comfort zone. Closing in on him and putting on some pressure took away any advantage. I added some clinch work and gave some light knees to his body. Nothing hard, mostly pulling him from side to side to keep him off balance and eliminate his power on those hooks. He was out of his element in the clinch. I guess he doesn't do Muay Thai.

A few rounds in and we both were tiring. As I circled left I'd throw low jabs at his body. Each time I did he countered with a lazy left. It was long and looping and left much of his ribcage exposed. I kept up the jab and let him counter three times. On number four I snapped a right hook into his open ribs. Not hard, maybe 70%. He yelped, disproportionately I thought, at the punch I gave him.

He clenched his side and said something about his rib. Jeremy had one of the other trainers lay him down and feel out the injury. In the meantime I did some bag work. I didn't hear what was said between them. After a while he came back out and, to his credit, finished up his training session strong, though occasionally grimacing in pain and clutching his side. Later, Ethan talked to me and said that he'd hurt his ribs before, but he thought this time it was broken; he'd heard and felt the snap.

He went straight to the emergency room from the gym. An x-ray confirmed his rib was more busted than Britney.

That'll teach him. Running around looking like me, thinking he can get away with being a more successful and popular version of me, thinking he's better than me, assuming there won't be consequences.

Not the case, Ethan. Not the case.

Posted by Jeff at 5:51 PM

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